Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Hollywood Squares


If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when "Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous and clever, not scripted and (often) dull, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep.
Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No. Wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet

10 comments:

NMAMFQLMSH said...

OMG I loved Paul Lynde. I think he was my favorite.
Peace,
JJ

Hippigirl said...

That gave me a good chuckle. What a nice way to start the day.Thanks for stopping by.
And I see no reason you can't anwser all the ?'s unless you just don't want to which is perfectly fine. It's just one of those things that are sometimes fun.(to some)
Anyhow have yourself a wonderful day and thanks again.

Hannen said...

Those were great dAAve! I'm going to pass those on to some of my friends who can still remember that far back.

Pat said...

I loved that show. When I first came out I was over at Grammy's watching "Match Game" and at the very end Charles Nelson Riley said "Hello to all my sisters at The Marlin Beach". I was laughing buy gram was clueless. CNR used to come to Ft. Lauderdale alot then and the Marlin was a huge gay hotel on the beatch.

Sam said...

Wonderful post! Thanks for the chuckles...

Kenny said...

Hilarious!!

Phil said...

These are hilarious! I laughed till I cried. I needed that! :)

What a great show that was...

Ricky!!! said...

This was my favorite game show growing up. Thanks for posting this stuff dave

GodlessMom said...

Paul Lynde was one of the funniest people ever! I remember laughing at his antics as a child. Now I realize that most of his jokes went right over my head!

I was just watching Charlotte's Web with my little girl and it made me all nostalgic for Paul.

Mr. H.K. said...

Classics!

Cheers,
Mr. H.K.
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