Saturday, July 16, 2005

Cats & Dogs

Dear Cat and Dog ...

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years--canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt.
I cannot stress this enough!

6 comments:

Trudging said...

Sounds like you got great pets. My cat, Kitty (score one for originality) just looks at me with distain and occasionally bites me.

dAAve said...

FYI - this writing was an email I received some time ago from somebody, somewhere. I thought it was cute, so I have posted it. I don't have a dog at this time in my life. I do, however, have 3 cats. They more than make up for my lack of canine ownership.

Hannen said...

And I thought for sure you were talking about your babies. I remember my kitty with that paw under the bathroom door to. Max, my dog, still thinks I'm going to climb out the bathroom window. There isn't one.

Scott W said...

L M N O kittens
O S M R see em peein

Recovery Road London said...

LMAO! That was very good. :-)

3 cats? All that pussy and just one boy....lol....I'm more of a dog person myself.

:-D

Sorry. Feeling cheeky. Must be the heatwave we're having.

Anonymous said...

I don't understand Scott's blog. Can you explain it? Norris