Consider this a rant. No sure what a rave is.
Early on in recovery I heard someone use the term "passive arrogance." OMG!! I immediately identified with these words even before I heard what he had to say about them. Passive arrogance was me! My definition of that term is "I'm so good that I don't need to tell you how good I am. It's obvious."
It's one of many of my character defects that I ask God to remove if and when He knows it will allow me to better do His will.
But that has little to do with my subject today, folks.
Frankly, after 22 months of being sober, I am getting tired of sober alcoholics (not necessarily recovering alcoholics) who speak a really good game, but don't play by the rules they speak of.
For example ... a person in one of the groups I attend regularly lets us know every time he shares that his birthday is coming up. The other day he informed us that in 37 days he will celebrate his 20th sober birthday. That's wonderful for him and he has much to be grateful for. In the same breath, he told us that because he now has all that time under his belt, he cares about people. If he had been talking about himself only, fine. But his very obvious implication, by the way he said it, was that no person with less time could possibly care about others. I was offended.
I do care about others and always have. It may have been for selfish reasons, but I still cared. I'm a people pleaser. I always wanted people to like me.
This person also enjoys telling us how we should play the (his) game and what the rules are. He doesn't like straight people in a gay meeting but wants to be treated equally in life as a gay man. He doesn't approve of certain prayers said at the end of meetings, but throws his religion at us whenever he gets the chance (he's Jewish).
Ya know, he teaches me a very good lesson. I want nothing from him, other than to stay sober.
** I have other examples, but will save for the next time I feel like a rant. Or maybe even a rave. **
7 comments:
Seems to me that Passive Arrogance is a sub category of the broader category of Passive Agression...
But I agree, it's a clever phrase to coin and to examine...
I guess the secret is to become more Versatile in all things, eh?
Cheers,
Mr. H.K.
Postcards from Hell's Kitchen
And I Quote Blog
"It's one of many of my character defects that I ask God to remove if and when He knows it will allow me to better do His will."
**click**
That is a much better way to ask God than the way I've been doing it. Thanks!
Phil
Our meetings, recently, have been for the most part, very intense. I congratulate you on your externalizing your feelings concerning your major example of hypocrisy and arrogance. Most of us only want to share the good thoughts about others that we have. In this case, I perceive your sharing some honest thoughts. Expressions of honesty are always good. They reveal the innermost thinking that each of us engages in. Now I encourage you to reflect on this person's character defects (his inventory, if you will); next, put my name in place of his. And, then, your own. What, if anything, do you learn from this? I really enjoy and profit from reading your blog. Thanks, Thinking of you, Queen Noor
Enjoyed stopping by. I'll be back!
Great post!
I have rarely seen anyone get your goat, and I agree with your assessment of this situation. This person waits until the last few minutes to share, and as of late, his shares have been really negative and is displaying some major resentments. Resentments are one of the things we must be aware of as they will bring us down fast and deadly. I asked this person to be my sponsor when I was newly sober and he just snubbed me. Now I am thankful for that.
While we may bitch about such carryings on, it is a small inconvenience considering what we get out of the program of AA. I hope to never be driven out of the rooms by another's behavior.
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