Eyes Wide Open

There was probably about 75 other recovering alkies in the room last night as I told my story of what it was like, what happened and what it is like now.

Oh yeah, my Mom was there too.

My 82 year-old mother absolutely loved being there in a room with gay and lesbian recovering alcoholics. I introduced her to the crowd at the beginning of my talk, before I had a chance to forget introducing her (like what happened last year on my AA Birthday Night).

I had 55 minutes to talk and was not apprehensive or nervous about it until the meeting actually began. For about 5 minutes, I panicked inside my head. What would I say to these people? They're expecting me to tell them good stuff and all I have to tell them is a little about my life.

I had prayed the night before and I prayed again to God (as I understand Him) just before going onstage. I put all my trust and faith in His hands to guide me through this awkward situation. I had no notes; only a mental outline of the amount of time I should spend on the 3 aforementioned categories. My goal was to focus on The Solution, not The Problem.

If I were to grade my presentation, I would give it a "B." It was unpolished as far as delivery goes. No notes. But it was genuine and from the heart. I choked up a couple of times (not unexpected for me) and some tears flowed, but not excessively. I finished right on time, but wasn't able to spend enough time on how I try to live by The Steps of AA. Maybe next time, if there is one.

I hope I didn't make a fool of myself; I don't think I did. I hope someone in the room was able to hear something that may help them in their journey through this new life of sobriety. For this 51 year-old drunk, it was exhilarating. When I got home, I didn't drink. I went to sleep. And I slept quite well, thank you.